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  • Writer's pictureCiarra Massey

Dating 101: My Advice

Updated: Jan 18, 2020

To all the single ladies I know and to all the ones I’ve yet to meet, I urge you to obey this verse of Scripture: Proverbs 4:23. It says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.” And also this verse in Song of Solomon 8:4 that says not to “stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time.”  

Girls, I have seen this happen so many times. You see a good looking guy at school or church. You start to notice him, and he starts showing interest in you. You’re a Christian and you tell me he’s a Christian because, of course, he told you he was. You guys start texting, flirting and dating. But then your walk with the Lord starts to falter... You no longer serve at your church and you stop reading your Bible. The relationships you have with your closest girl friends cease because they tried to hold you accountable but you got upset. Then what? You and the guy break up, one of you stops coming to church and your relationship with the Lord either continues to falter or you repent and come back to Him. 

That might have come across as kind of blunt, but that’s exactly how it happens. As a youth pastors wife I have seen this story play out more times than I wanted to. Every time this happens, I am burdened for the sweet girl (or guy) that falls for the person that is supposedly a Christian, but who’s life doesn’t show it. 

Girls.... I urge you to use discernment. I urge you to not let your feelings get in the way of wisdom, what you know to be the truth. When a guy says that he’s a Christian, wait until you clearly see that he is bearing the fruit that comes from walking with Christ. (And I don’t mean just coming to church every Sunday.) If you don’t truly see any real fruit in his life, no matter how cute he is, don’t pursue the relationship; it won’t be worth it in the long run.  

I also urge you to pray about things first. Don’t jump headfirst into a relationship without first praying, reading God’s Word and really thinking about whether it’s wise for you to be in a relationship at this time in your life or not. Many things that are done in haste are usually not done right. 

Most importantly, if the guy that you like is not a believer, run. Do not get involved because 1) it is a sin to be unequally yoked and 2) he will pull you down now and if you marry him, he will pull your children down later. 

One wise piece of advice I’ve heard regarding dating is to only date a potential mate. What’s the point in dating someone that you can’t honestly see yourself marrying one day? The point of dating is to marry, so if you’re dating someone that you know you wouldn’t marry, then you’re wasting your time. :) That is why dating is such a big deal. It affects every area of your life, especially when it comes to purity and holiness. The person you date needs to be someone that is truly following the Lord. He needs to be a person of integrity and purity. He needs to be someone that strives to obey God more and more everyday. He needs to be strong enough in his own walk with God to lead you in holiness, and his walk with the Lord needs to be top priority so that even when you do walk into his life, his eyes don’t shift from Christ. 

This post is a little blunt... but it’s the truth. I encourage everyone that has yet to meet the right person to please guard your heart and use wisdom before you give it away. The only person that is worthy enough to treasure your heart is someone that is focused on Christ, because true believers are the only ones that know how to truly love selflessly. If they don’t know God then they don’t know love, because God is love.

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